Baby Fever?......No!

So, ever since Phoenix was born, I've still been pretty active on my September 2011 birth club board on BabyCenter. In the last week, there have been at LEAST 5 different "Who else is pregnant again?" posts. And get this....there are like 30-40 women replying that yes, they are pregnant again. Already? Holy hell, right? And make no mistake, most of these women are making it known that these were PLANNED pregnancies. I couldn't imagine getting pregnant before a baby was 2, then we got pregnant with Michael was like 15 months old. But to get pregnant before a baby was 1?! I think I would just keel right over and die. So, imagine my surprise when, as I'm reading this threads, I feel a twinge of jealousy. Interesting. I certainly do not want to be pregnant now, or anytime soon. And to be honest, I'm pretty sure that I'm good with 3 (Yes, I always imagined 4....but then I had the first one. Ha!). So, this gets me thinking, "What the hell is wrong with you?! Your uterus would slap the shit out of you right now if she could!". Could it be that I feel stripped of my rights to bear children because Dayton went ahead with the big clip? Possibly. Am I the one that told me to go ahead and make the damn appointment before I changed my mind again? Absolutely. For the last 6 years, having babies has been my thing. But now, our little family is complete and I feel like I'm kind of standing here with this big question mark on my forehead like, "What now?" (Obvious answer: Raise the ones you've got! Holy crap....in a few months you're going to have TWO mobile boys!!!).

Since I know that I'm done having babies, do I start taking a little more time for myself? Do I start taking advantage of the fact that my body is once again, my own? Do I sit back and love the idea that our youngest baby is starting to put himself to sleep and sleep longer at night? Hell yes, I do. All of that, and then some.

There are about 52,608 logical reasons that I should never be pregnant again. One being that I don't think I could handle a fourth child. Another being that my body would barely make it, if at all...and would torture me for the rest of my life. And of course, there's that whole idea of never having to go through those newborn nights again. There is ONE emotional reason that I should: I want to do all the sweet little baby stuff again. Seems to make perfect sense right? No more babies. But, no...mother nature has a different idea. She likes to sit on my shoulder and really drill all the sweet pregnant/newborn things into my head (Ah, ultrasounds with the hubbs, weekly belly pictures, those ADORABLE little outfits, and let's not forget the new baby smell). She drills to the point that I want to slap the bitch off my shoulder one good time. But I don't. I sit here nicely, calmly reminding myself that I told Dayton to make his appointment for a reason (and that if someone sees me getting violent with this invisible being on my shoulder, I will probably get a one way ticket to the nut house).

Oh, the joys of being a woman!

How will you address....gay?

A few months ago, ZoeJane and I were sitting in the living room and she randomly says "Mommy, what does it mean when two boys are together, you know, kissing, married?"...I was shocked. At 5 years old, it never occurred to me, and even if it had, it would have been completely shut down as one of those "I'll tell you when you're older things". I sat there, in silence, stunned...just looking at her. All I could manage to get out was "Where did you see that?", and she says (calmly, in the innocent voice you would expect from a 5 year old little girl), "Oh, just on tv". And while I'm sorting my thoughts, she brings another question, "Can boys marry each other?"....and I said the first thing that came to mind: "In some places they can". Then I explained to her that yes, in some states, boys could marry boys and girls could marry boys, and that although is was different, it didn't mean that it was wrong. She asked what it was called, and I told her gay. I was as honest as I could be with her. My mom once told me, "You tell kids things until they ask...and when they do, you're honest"...so I was honest with her. That day, when Dayton came home from work, ZoeJane runs up to him and says, "Daddy! When two boys marry each other, or two girls marry each other, it means gay. And just because it's different from us, doesn't mean it's wrong". I was so proud. After that, every time we'd see a couple out in public, she'd say, "Look, mom! They're gay!"...not knowing that her words could be considered offensive by some. I just relished in her innocense. After a few weeks, she stopped telling random strangers who didn't ask, what gay was. But then my very conservative, Christian parents came to visit. We all decided to go out to lunch together, and ZoeJane wanted to ride with my parents. Okay, fine. We get to the restaraunt and my mom gives me the infamous "I'm-so-unhappy-with-your-life-choices" look..."Guess what we heard on the way here...", I was dumbfounded, "....what?", I replied. "We heard that when two boys are together or two girls are together, that it means they're gay. She is FIVE years old, Cara". I couldn't help but smile. I say, "Mom, you told me that I wasn't to tell my kids what they weren't ready to know...but when they asked, I was supposed to tell them the truth. I did what you said, mom".

The conversation changed. Immediately.