Saturday, November 20, 2010
Why is it that sickness always finds me at the most inopportune times?
Oh my goodness. I think I have food poisoning. The silver lining is that although Dayton had to work today, he took ZoeJane with him. So I've got it a little easier with only one kiddo at home today. Meanwhile, as SOON as he walks through the door, I'll be putting my happy ass back to bed. I've got to be back with the program by the end of the weekend. Homework to catch up on, Thanksgiving to get ready for, and ZoeJane's birthday party to plan. And of course, this is when I get sick. Usually I get the sickest only when I'm pregnant. Hm, that's something to think about...should I be worried? Ha!
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
The chaos has begun...
One birthday down, another one to go. I'll be completely exhausted by January.
I've had so much on my mind lately, I can barely focus on anything. Mine and Dayton's anniversary was so great. He brought me a black wooden jewelry box and lavender daisies (A woodwork jewelry box and daisies are the traditional 5th anniversary gift). And the card was so sweet. He scored major points.
Things have been so good, but I'm so distracted. It seems like the only thing I can think about is what happened last year. I figured the sting would have worn off by now...or at least dulled a little. I think the reason I can't let go is because I have no answers...and I don't think I'll ever get them. I know how sorry he is. I know what he'd give to take it back. I know he'd make it better if he could. But he can't take it back, and he can't make it better. Sometimes I wonder if he really does have the answers I want, but won't share them because he doesn't want to hurt me anymore than he already has. Either way, it sucks ass.
I'm kind of at a loss of how to move forward from it. I'm mentally exhausted with it. I'm tired of it constantly being there. It's like having a huge elephant in the room with us all the time. It's like constantly having her in the room. It sucks. I hate it. I'm tired of it. I've got to learn to let go of a grudge...
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