18 months does not make it any easier to look at a woman while knowing she has slept with your husband. It does not get easier to know that he chose her. Regardless of any changes you make, she does not seem any less appealing, because after all, he chose her. It never feels as if you have won, because even if he is still with you, she was enough to make him stray. She broke it, and that gives her the power. She was enough to put the ripple in your life and your marriage, and that does not get any easier.

It may not get easier, but life goes on.

The great female betrayal.

It is not a man. It is not a group of men. It's not lack of equality in the workplace. It is the woman sitting across the room from you. It is the woman who says she's your best friend. It is the woman you think is your sister in womanhood.

Why is this? Why is it that women love to hate each other so much?

We like to blame the men. We say that we're genetically engineered to be competitive towards one another in the fight for the man. But that's not true. Do you really think that a woman will spend hours getting ready to impress a man she already has? No. A woman will spend hours getting ready so that when they arrive at the restaurant, the other women will look at her and turn green. It is often said that women dress for other women. I am a believer. And I think the reason is because we all know: there is no harsher judge than another woman. And if we can gain the approval of the "ultimate judge", we've got it all, right?

We all know who the ultimate judge is, and it is not your mother, your sister, your aunt, your friend, your high school rival, or the girl sitting across the room. It is God. And if he approves, you're good. After that, just work on gaining the approval of the second toughest judge: yourself.

One day, you fall asleep and you're 17. Next thing you know, you're sitting up in bed, looking 24 right in the face. I can't say that THAT isn't a tough pill to swallow. Suddenly all those plans you had for yourself are out the window and you can't stop thinking "Okay, what now?". So you keep moving forward with what you're doing, all while hoping for a good outcome. Also note, all of this is being done while you're ALSO trying to keep things un-mundane.

We plan, God laughs.

"Coming Home" on Lifetime

Everytime I've seen the commercial for this new show on Lifetime, I cry my eyes out. It could be the hormones. But this stuff usually tugs on my heart strings a little bit. The little girl crying at the very beginning and the little girl at the end.....ugh. Bring on the box of kleenex! You've got to love the relationship between a daddy and a daughter.

New take on dieting

Okay, so I am NOT going to be happy unless I get a good bit of weight off BEFORE the real baby weight sets in. Usually, I just cut way back on what I'm eating, but considering I'm pregnant...that's not really ideal right now. So I'm thinking I'm going to start the small/healthy meals several times a day thing. I'm all stocked up on yogurt, fruit, and the like. So between prenatal vitamins, healthy snacks and food, and a shit ton on the water intake...I'm pretty optimistic. Oh, and throwing in a 30 minute walk with the new dog in the evenings probably won't hurt either.

Any dieting tips you'd like to share?? Throw 'em at me!

The new budget includes cuts to Planned Parenthood

Okay, how do you feel about this one? First consider that Planned Parenthood does more than just abortions. Many of them don't even provide abortions. And for the ones that do, is it better that the government provide financial assistance for abortions (I would hope only first trimesters, considering if you know you can't afford a child, why the hell would you wait any longer?) OR is it better for that assistance to be cut, and the government end up providing welfare assistance for that family? It's definitely something to think about regardless of which side of the fence you're on.

What would YOU do?

Does anybody ever watch this show on ABC? Any Friday night that we're home for it, I watch it. This week they had this segment with this guy in a restaurant who was HIV positive (actor, though he really does have it). In 2011, some people were actually ignorant enough to not even want to be in the same room as him. Really?

So yeah, what would you do? Be honest, would it worry you a little bit? Would you unconsciously shy away from the guy? Or would you be out raged that people were acting that way?

This show always makes me tear up at one point or another. It astounds me that in this day and age there are still people out there that are so close minded and uninformed. I really think that if I got caught up in a situation like this, not only would I be outraged, but probably get emotional pretty quickly.

Every once in a while, I have a day where it really dawns on me that I am alone. It's definitely one of those days.

Can we please vote to eliminate Valentine's Day?

It never fails. Every year girls who carry their boy's balls in their purses get treated to the most obnoxious sweetness (and brag freely about it). Hoe bags who sleep around on their husbands with married men get talked to like their goddesses (openly). And girls who are good wives and girlfriends and stick by their men even in the midst of their dick headed-ness, midlife break downs...they get the short end of the stick. Let's just go ahead and change it from Valentine's day to Make Good Girls Feel Like Losers day.

*Warning* Graphic descriptions involved

Dana's Story. Not for the light of heart.

On another completely random note...

After watching UFC with Dayton earlier this week, ZoeJane tells me yesterday morning "I loooove naked wrestlers! You know, the ones I watched with daddy!"

You've gotta love that.....but Dayton didn't.

Stress much?

I've never been this stressed in my life. I don't really like to talk about being on meds, but those close to me know that I was on them. Compared to the withdrawals I had when I came off of them with Michael, it isn't so bad. I've had the dizziness, the jitters, anxiety, "brain zaps"...I've felt like I didn't have the energy to move. But the intense depression hasn't come along with it. Of course, this time I was quitting half the dose that I was on when I got pregnant with Michael. It would also lessen the effects if I weaned off of it. But I just didn't want to take the chance of continuing it knowing that there's a little bean growing inside of me. Cymbalta has helped with my anxiety in amazing ways. When I first tried it, a year or so before we found out Michael was on his way, it helped amazingly with my depression. But those withdrawal symptoms are a BITCH. I guess every rose has it's thorns, huh? (Thanks, Brett)

Trying to remember that most of the stress is because of the meds...

The big reveal....among other things.

So, in case you didn't catch it on my husband's facebook or my facebook....I'm pregnant. Yes, I realize that I just had a baby 15 months ago. Yes, I realize that this will be my third baby. I am aware. And the next person to rudely point either one of these out to me will probably get slapped.

Dayton and I wanted one more, but not quite so soon. I have lost my faith in the birth control industry. Next Saturday, the 12th, I will be 7 weeks. Three days later on the 15th, I'll have my first appointment and my first ultrasound. Of course, expect to be updated.

On another note, I know that just like the first two, I should expect a certain person to create drama at SOME point (if not at many points) of this pregnancy. The only thing is, I'm about 2 cm's from the end of my rope, and it's just not going to fly this time around.

*RANDOM*: I had no idea it was so possible to feel so alone in the world.

And last, but not least...I am SO tired of being the only one that thinks about the practical issues. Why do I have to be the only one with a guilty conscious? I could really do without it. But I guess SOMEBODY has to be responsible.

Some things I should have gotten out a long time ago...

Everyone comes to that moment in their lives when they have to ask a question that they already know the answer to...but as much as they don't want to hear the answer, they have to. The truth has to be put out there. I asked that question the night of July 17, 2009. I already knew the answer, but it had to be said out loud. So I braced myself and asked. All I needed to hear was the hushed "yes". With that, my whole world was ripped from underneath my feet. I couldn't breathe. I could barely speak. I'm pretty sure I could actually feel a big part of my heart chip away right then and there. And for the last year and a half, that hushed "yes" has haunted me. I'm starting to think that it always will. But why does it have to? Why can't it go in one ear and out the other? Is this one moment in our lives bound to haunt us? Once the question is asked, does it automatically weave itself into our beings? Will we be forced to carry it with us to our deaths? And if we never would have asked, would the question haunt us instead? Would it haunt us as long as the answer does? And is it inevitable that once the question is asked, it brings even more questions to light? Apparently so. Did you notice all the question marks?