So, my mind is clear and calm again...and I'm back at where I was before the depression set in. I can't quit thinking about what happened last year. I'm not depressed about it, but it does make me sad. I've still got a lot of questions that I know will never be answered, and that's frustrating.
This last weekend was the best one we've had in such a long time. A road trip, friends, the beach....it was fantastic. It was one of those times that makes me feel really confident that I've made good choices over the last year. But regardless of how good things are right now, my heart still hurts. I wonder sometimes if a year is too long for my heart to hurt over a 3 month separation. Then I think, it's the details that hurt the worst...not the separation.
I also keep reminding myself that if I could wrap my head around the idea of forgiveness, this would be much easier. That's a concept I'd like to instill in my own children, but how do I do that when instead of forgiveness, I had the ability to hold a grudge hammered into my skull? Part of me feels like it's naive to forgive something so huge. The other part of me keeps thinking, the forgiveness is for MY peace of mind.
Regardless of everything that's on my mind...I feel good. I'm sad, but it's a kind of sad that I can handle. It's hard to explain. If I figure it out, I'll let you know.
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