It's finally here...

In a little over 8 hours, Dayton and I will be walking our sweet (way too grown up) baby girl to her classroom. And we'll be leaving her there.

Don't get me wrong. I'm pretty confident in the school and her teachers. But it is BREAKING.MY.HEART. to know that my baby girl is officially a kindergartner.

I keep thinking about the first day I spent alone with her, when Dayton went back to work...I just kept thinking over and over and over...."This is never going to change. That first day of school will never happen. She's going to be my baby forEVER". Well, I was wrong. And here it is, just a measly few hours before her first day of kindergarten. I can't sleep. I want it to be perfect for her. And I want to manage all my shit before she's up to see it. NOT EASY. But I'm working on it.

If I can manage to pull it together tomorrow, I'll post an update.

Note to Self: STFU!

So, I managed, with one comment to start a whole shit storm in my family via Facebook. Yeah, nice going, I know. And of course, it started with all this Chik-fil-A crap that has undoubtedly caused more trouble than it's worth. Personally (and please note that I said *personally*...I'd write in in big flashing glittery lights if it were possible), I don't think it was necessary for Dan Cathy to come out and make a big public statement about something that was already known (at least among non-dumbasses). Everyone who is a regular customer at Chik-fil-A realizes that they are a Christian-owned company. I mean, really, they're closed on Sundays. Duh. So, it goes without saying (pun intended) that they would not support gay marriage. My opinion (again, imagine big flashing glittery lights here) is this: it is not very Christian-like to "stir the pot". Dan Cathy's public statement really didn't serve any purpose other than stirring the pot. I mean really, why state the obvious? Oh wait! I know the answer to this one because I've heard it from every single conservative Republican that I know...because he can. True story. He can. But Westboro Baptist Church can stand outside of a soldier's funeral flashing obnoxious neon signs with things like "God loves dead soldiers!" and "God hates fags!" and "God hates America!"....they can, but does that make it right? (Food for thought here, people)

So, after reading an uncomfortable comment, I stated my opinion (in a much shorter way). Cue shit  storm. Please, keep in mind, I never stated my opinion on gay marriage...only my opinion on this whole public statement nonsense. Well, no one commented on this particular status until I did, and once I did, the poster got all sorts of "Way to go!" and "You're exactly right!" comments. Man, way to show up the liberal. Then the storm got...well, bitchy.

So here it is, 4 days after the status was posted and my comment was added and I've been deemed a non-Christian...because it was assumed that since I didn't agree with how this was handled, that I support gay rights (Which, yes, I do. If we're going to take basic rights away from sinners, we're all screwed). Well, damn. And maybe they're right. I don't hammer into my children that gay people are "wrong, wrong, wrong" (I'd just like to point out, "sinner, sinner, chicken dinner!" is flashing in my head right now. Sorry. Couldn't resist). I don't think that rights should be taken away from citizens because we don't agree with their lifestyle. I don't think that as a CHRISTIAN (yeah, I said it!) that it's my place to take rights away, or judge someone else's lifestyle. And I'm raising my kids the same way. In my opinion, the main theme of the Bible is to love thy neighbor, and that will be the main theme behind every choice I make while raising my children.

Am I saying you're not a Christian if you don't believe in gay rights? Nope. It's not my place to say whether or not you're a Christian and for what reasons. But is it really necessary to be obnoxious about your beliefs? No. Roll with the punches, people. Accept the fact that people are going to have opinions that differ from yours and that it doesn't make them awful people. We're all adults. We're allowed to disagree. And holy hell, how boring would it be if we didn't?! God MADE us to have our own free will. He gave us the ability to think for ourselves and make our own decisions. Are we so hard wired that we have forgotten that we can do that? Have we become SO frigid on our own beliefs that we believe it's okay to lose our humanity with people who don't agree with us?

Bottom line is this: We are ALL sinners. Every last one of us. And every last one of us has at least one big no-no on our record. Fornicators are allowed to marry. Adulterers are allowed to marry and re-marry. Hell, even bi-racial couples (gasp!) are allowed to get married! If I'm not mistaken, doesn't the Bible have something to say about all of these things? And yet, we're going to deny gay couples the right to marry so that they can benefit from things like, being able to have a say in medical decisions of their loved ones, being able to support their children after their partner has died  (Anybody think it's a little twisted that they're allowed to adopt, but not allowed to marry?), and every other right that we, as spouses, have? It doesn't make sense. If you're going to agree with one part of the Bible, you should be agreeing with all of it. Aside from that, yes, Dan Cathy had a right to say what he said...but what was the point? There wasn't one. Sure, he got a shit ton of business from it, but was that worth singling out an entire sub group of people?

Alas, the drama will continue. And next time, I hope I remember to keep my mouth shut and my fingers off the keys.

Updates

Things are changing at lightening speed! Dayton landed a new job that he loves. My sweet baby girl starts KINDERGARTEN in less than TWO weeks! Michael man finally seems to be hitting the hardcore terrible two's (even though he's almost 3). And finally, my baby Phoenix has recently become an escape artist. It's all happening too fast. School is going great. It's kind of crazy...to be past the part of physically building our family (not that we're not having fun pretending we're still building...bahaha). Now it's time to focus on feeding their little minds and working on ourselves, career wise. I know, we kind of got the career building/baby making backwards, but it keeps things interesting. Things are just starting to settle down with Dayton's career change, and now they're about to go crazy at hurricane strength once again. And this time...I'll actually have a kid in real school. I remember sitting at home with her when she was a baby, trying to imagine her first day of school and feeling that it was outside the realm of possibility. How could my baby ever go to school?! And now, we're facing that first day of Kindergarten and she's already talking about college. I guess I'm doing something right? I love to see how excited she is about learning. I hope the boys are the same way.

Now, just to make myself smile....PHOTO BOMB!!!

Phoenix, 10 months (killing a bowl of mashed potatoes)

Michael's muscles (and his sissy's bike streamers)

Working on her math

Busted with the iPad (and yes, she's sitting in a box...)

My new favorite word.

A few years ago, if you let the word "cunt" slip around me, you could almost SEE me squirm. How uncomfortable! How unladylike! How....rude!

....No. Rude is what I've encountered in the few short years that it's taken me to harden since I thought that word was so unacceptable. But we won't go into that. To make a long story short, it turns out that "cunt" is a very technical term. It's a wonderful adjective. It's...the truth!

Is it ladylike? Well, it depends on how you look at it. I mean, I have one. How much more ladylike can you get than that? Is it a little "out there"? Sure. But that's what makes it fun.

So, here's a challenge for all you ladylike, southern bells out there...SAY IT! Find an appropriate moment, and USE the adjective! It's amazingly liberating. Take a walk on the wild side...use the "c" word!

Baby Fever?......No!

So, ever since Phoenix was born, I've still been pretty active on my September 2011 birth club board on BabyCenter. In the last week, there have been at LEAST 5 different "Who else is pregnant again?" posts. And get this....there are like 30-40 women replying that yes, they are pregnant again. Already? Holy hell, right? And make no mistake, most of these women are making it known that these were PLANNED pregnancies. I couldn't imagine getting pregnant before a baby was 2, then we got pregnant with Michael was like 15 months old. But to get pregnant before a baby was 1?! I think I would just keel right over and die. So, imagine my surprise when, as I'm reading this threads, I feel a twinge of jealousy. Interesting. I certainly do not want to be pregnant now, or anytime soon. And to be honest, I'm pretty sure that I'm good with 3 (Yes, I always imagined 4....but then I had the first one. Ha!). So, this gets me thinking, "What the hell is wrong with you?! Your uterus would slap the shit out of you right now if she could!". Could it be that I feel stripped of my rights to bear children because Dayton went ahead with the big clip? Possibly. Am I the one that told me to go ahead and make the damn appointment before I changed my mind again? Absolutely. For the last 6 years, having babies has been my thing. But now, our little family is complete and I feel like I'm kind of standing here with this big question mark on my forehead like, "What now?" (Obvious answer: Raise the ones you've got! Holy crap....in a few months you're going to have TWO mobile boys!!!).

Since I know that I'm done having babies, do I start taking a little more time for myself? Do I start taking advantage of the fact that my body is once again, my own? Do I sit back and love the idea that our youngest baby is starting to put himself to sleep and sleep longer at night? Hell yes, I do. All of that, and then some.

There are about 52,608 logical reasons that I should never be pregnant again. One being that I don't think I could handle a fourth child. Another being that my body would barely make it, if at all...and would torture me for the rest of my life. And of course, there's that whole idea of never having to go through those newborn nights again. There is ONE emotional reason that I should: I want to do all the sweet little baby stuff again. Seems to make perfect sense right? No more babies. But, no...mother nature has a different idea. She likes to sit on my shoulder and really drill all the sweet pregnant/newborn things into my head (Ah, ultrasounds with the hubbs, weekly belly pictures, those ADORABLE little outfits, and let's not forget the new baby smell). She drills to the point that I want to slap the bitch off my shoulder one good time. But I don't. I sit here nicely, calmly reminding myself that I told Dayton to make his appointment for a reason (and that if someone sees me getting violent with this invisible being on my shoulder, I will probably get a one way ticket to the nut house).

Oh, the joys of being a woman!

How will you address....gay?

A few months ago, ZoeJane and I were sitting in the living room and she randomly says "Mommy, what does it mean when two boys are together, you know, kissing, married?"...I was shocked. At 5 years old, it never occurred to me, and even if it had, it would have been completely shut down as one of those "I'll tell you when you're older things". I sat there, in silence, stunned...just looking at her. All I could manage to get out was "Where did you see that?", and she says (calmly, in the innocent voice you would expect from a 5 year old little girl), "Oh, just on tv". And while I'm sorting my thoughts, she brings another question, "Can boys marry each other?"....and I said the first thing that came to mind: "In some places they can". Then I explained to her that yes, in some states, boys could marry boys and girls could marry boys, and that although is was different, it didn't mean that it was wrong. She asked what it was called, and I told her gay. I was as honest as I could be with her. My mom once told me, "You tell kids things until they ask...and when they do, you're honest"...so I was honest with her. That day, when Dayton came home from work, ZoeJane runs up to him and says, "Daddy! When two boys marry each other, or two girls marry each other, it means gay. And just because it's different from us, doesn't mean it's wrong". I was so proud. After that, every time we'd see a couple out in public, she'd say, "Look, mom! They're gay!"...not knowing that her words could be considered offensive by some. I just relished in her innocense. After a few weeks, she stopped telling random strangers who didn't ask, what gay was. But then my very conservative, Christian parents came to visit. We all decided to go out to lunch together, and ZoeJane wanted to ride with my parents. Okay, fine. We get to the restaraunt and my mom gives me the infamous "I'm-so-unhappy-with-your-life-choices" look..."Guess what we heard on the way here...", I was dumbfounded, "....what?", I replied. "We heard that when two boys are together or two girls are together, that it means they're gay. She is FIVE years old, Cara". I couldn't help but smile. I say, "Mom, you told me that I wasn't to tell my kids what they weren't ready to know...but when they asked, I was supposed to tell them the truth. I did what you said, mom".

The conversation changed. Immediately.

Mother's Day, 2012

Today was one of the most simple Mother's days that I've ever had in my 6ish years of being a mommy. I woke up sick as hell at 4am, and finally, asked Dayton to get up with me and keep me company around 7am. I fed Phoenix, Dayton got the older two some breakfast and took a shower. Then, he gets out, goes outside (in the POURING rain) and gets something out of the truck. He comes back to the door, pokes his head in and calls ZoeJane to the door. She goes, and gets this thing from him...turns around with the brightest smile on her face and brings me a brown paper bag, colored and stapled closed. She had been keeping this bag, and what was in it, a total secret. She'd mentioned having a surprise for me a few weeks ago, but she told me that I couldn't have it until Mother's Day. It was something they were working on at school. Apparently, she brought it home on Friday and her and Daddy decided to stash it in the truck. So, I open this bag up ever so carefully, and pull out a rolled piece of paper (well, two) with a ribbon tied around it. I open it and one paper is a "World's Greatest Mom" certificate. It said that she loves me because I'm her only mommy. The other is a letter where she had to fill in the blanks. It said she loved me because I'm her only mommy, and she likes it when we play games together, and she thanked me for teaching her how to play games. Then, there was a purple card. On the inside, it says "I love you because you are my only mommy. I will love you for all my life. I will get you a cake for your next birthday. Love, ZoeJane". ((OMG, the SWEETNESS!)) And finally, I pull out a small terracotta flower pot, painted in a way that only my baby could paint it. It took everything I had not to cry at how sweet it was that her teachers and her made these little gift bags for us, and that my baby had written such sweet things. A few hours later, Dayton goes to Walmart and returns with a purple flower for me to plant in my pot, a card, and M & M's (because he said it just isn't Mother's Day without chocolate).

So, yes, I was exhausted and sick (I may be on the verge of death. I haven't decided yet). Yes, it was a total washout outside. But it was the BEST Mother's Day that I ever could have asked for!

<3 <3 <3