Dear Daddy,

About three times today, Michael has come up to me with his little heart broken, asking about Papa. The first time, he told me that we needed to go get you so he could bring you back to his house, because he could take better care of you and he could make you better. The second time, he said his heart hurt because he was worried about his papa. And the third time, he curled up in my lap crying, telling me he was worried about you...asking when he could talk to you, and begging me to go get you from the hospital.

These babies love you so much...but they don't have anything on me. My world will stop spinning if you don't get better. I won't make it without my daddy. So you HAVE to get better. You haven't had a chance to share a cup of sweet tea with Phoenix yet. You haven't helped me teach ZoeJane to read (though she's doing so good...you would be so proud of her!), you haven't been able to play "baseball" with them yet. And you haven't been able to show Michael-man the joy of a good race. I need you, daddy. I need you to teach me how to be the best parent I can be. I need you to help me make sense of this crazy family. I need you...period. I love you so, so much. I'm sorry I can't be there right now. I know that you would want me making things as normal as possible for the kids. And mom and I aren't getting along right now (which I know you would hate).

As soon as you wake up, no one will be able to pry me from your bedside. And the same goes for if anything goes south. I love you so much. I want to curl up in that bed and just be with you. It hurts to fall asleep not knowing what will happen. It hurts to wake up knowing that you're sick. And it scares me that you don't know how much I love you. I've taken you for granted so much for too long. I'm so sorry. I'll never be able to show you how much you mean to me...or how much you've ALWAYS meant to me. My childhood memories are brighter because of you. I married Dayton because I knew he would be the same kind of daddy you were/are. He is taking good care of us...but I need YOU.

I love you daddy. Don't ever forget it. 

Love, YOUR Carabear.