The Souvenir

It's not secret that my children are my life. It's been that way since the day we found out ZoeJane was on her way. I always felt so lucky to be carrying a little life inside of me. Three pregnancies later, it still feels that way.

We were not planning to start our family so soon after we got married. We had been married for 5 months when I found out I was pregnant with ZoeJane. Even when I went and bought the test and took it, I was still surprised to get a positive result. See, I was the type that was always paranoid about being pregnant. It was like a bi-monthly thing. I had gone grocery shopping and bought one, just to make sure. It wasn't an immediate result. In fact, I was just thinking to myself "I can't believe I keep wasting money on these things". I had picked it up to toss it in the trash when I noticed a faint second line had shown itself. Needless to say, I didn't put the rest of the groceries away. I jumped in the car, test in hand, and drove across base (as slowly and calmly as I could considering their strict speed limits) to tell Dayton. I walked in, signed in (while the guy at the desk was giving me crap and telling me I looked like I had just seen a ghost...) and walked back to his office. I opened the door and looked at his desk--of course he wasn't there. About the time I wanted to start freaking out, he came around the corner, spit cup in hand. I didn't say anything. "Hey! What's up? What are you doing here?".....I still couldn't say anything. I'm pretty sure that by then, my eyes were as big as melons. He stood there staring at me, waiting for me to say something. Finally I managed to nod my head. He started nodding back with a "?" on his face...then he started nodding a little faster. "Yeah? YEAH? Are you sure?"...It was at that point I managed a "yeah". He left work early and came home to be with me. We were ecstatic, shocked, and a little nervous. We cuddled for the rest of the afternoon.

With Michael, we started trying on the night of ZoeJane's second birthday. I was sad every month after when I realized I wasn't pregnant. Finally, we decided to take one of our sporadic trips to Michigan (with a stop in Kentucky to see Dayton's little brother graduate from boot camp). I had been thinking that maybe this was the month. So after the graduation and a family lunch, we made a stop at a local Walmart (in BFE Kentucky..) and I ran in to grab a magazine for the trip, some snacks, and a pregnancy test. There was no waiting until we got to Michigan. I took the test in the Walmart bathroom. The result was pretty immediate, and I had to fight the urge to hug the little old lady that was standing at the sink and tell her my good news. Somehow, I managed to pull it together and tuck the test back in the bag. I stepped outside and Dayton pulled up the front door to get me. I got in as calmly as I could (I think I played it pretty well) and told him I got him something. He asked what it was, I took out the test, and laid it on the console. It was a movie moment. Anyone who knows my husband knows how standoffish he can be...how unenthusiastic and tough he can seem. He melted. He had the biggest smile and gave me the biggest hug. We both even managed to shed a few tears over it.

Finally, with Phoenix...we were actually planning to NOT have a baby until I was done with school (another two years). With a looming medical discharge, school, and two small kids at home...we thought another two years would be the perfect timing to add the finishing touch to our little family. But no. Phoenix Cole decided he didn't want to wait that long. I wasn't really worried until I went to put on a loose t-shirt and almost jumped out of my skin (gotta love first trimester boob pain). I got a test a few days later. I was a little nervous before I took it, as this was SO not the plan. But we went out to eat, then went to Target. I got a 12 pk of coke and a test. On my way out, I found another 12 pk of Mountain Dew that had been left on the bottom of a cart. I should have known right then. It was such a random, "out there" thing...I should have known that a surprise pregnancy would present itself that day, lol. I might add that since I figured this may be the last test I ever took...I splurged and bought the two pack of the fancy digital tests. Yeah, because I'm a nerd. So we come home, get the kids settled and Dayton hops on his computer while I go take the test. I'm pretty sure he thought I was just being paranoid. So, the little hour glass that flashes on the digital screen flashed twice before it came back with "pregnant". I sat there for a good couple of minutes before I called him into the bathroom. I was freaked. Happy, of course. But this wasn't the plan...and I am such a plan-oriented person, it was enough to have me spooked. When he came in the bathroom, I handed him the test. He says "Cool!" and then couldn't figure out why I was so freaked. It didn't take long for the shock to wear off before I started wrapping my head around the fact that we were about to add to our little brood.

Each pregnancy has been so special in it's own little way. With ZoeJane, it was so exciting because here we were, just a couple of kids (really, like going on 19 and 21) who were about to start their family--their legacy. With Michael, it was the conscious choice for us to keep building on that little foundation. It was everything we went through during the pregnancy thought brought us closer together. And with Phoenix, it's making the choice to complete our little family. It's the idea that the Kline family is going to be complete, with Dayton and I, a beautiful little girl and two sweet little boys. It's so exciting to think about. Each one has been a blessing of epic proportions. Each baby has reflected something different, a different stage in our lives and our marriage. And now here we are, with a little girl who is about to start school. And she's so smart, it's scary. I see a lot of my attitude in her, and it's a battle deciding whether to laugh at it or be annoyed. She's also taken on my caretaker complex. She's the little mom. She wants to take care of Michael. She'll want to take care of Phoenix too. There isn't a day that goes by that she doesn't love on her mommy and daddy and let us know how much she loves us. She makes our days brighter. Michael, is our little love bug. He's got such a soft heart and worries so much if he thinks something isn't right. He'll cuddle for hours, for no reason at all. And oh my goodness, the performers that we have! They are both so big on entertaining. Michael is so funny, while ZoeJane has a strong flair for the dramatics. I'm so excited to meet Phoenix and learn his little personality.

Each pregnancy has had it's own challenges, it's own scares. Each one has been special in a way that I cannot put into words. And there has always been something special about how things are between Dayton and I when we're expecting a baby, that ends up leaving us a little stronger than we were before.

Mommyhood isn't something I would trade for anything in the world. And while I fully intend on embarking on a career outside of the home within the next few years, I think the time I've spent with my babies will make a difference. I know it has for me. <3