Hello, third trimester!

When I think of how far along I am now, it feels like it's flown by. When I think of how much longer I've got, it feels like forever. Last week, we were able to go have a 3D/4D ultrasound done (the first time we've been able to do it with any of our babies). It was amazing. It's one thing to see your baby moving in black and white on a normal ultrasound and feeling him at the same time. It's completely different to see him in there, playing with his feet, sucking his fingers, yawning, and stretching and feeling him at the same time. It's completely surreal to know exactly what he's doing in there when you can feel it at the same time. He is beautiful. He's got my fingers, and maybe my lips (I'm not sure if they're my lips or they're just not filled out yet). It was a little bittersweet. Don't get me wrong...it was amazing. But while watching him, it hit me that this is the last time we'll do these things. Our last ultrasound will be our last. This is the last time I'll fill out a registry. This will be the last time I have the honor of bringing another little life into the world. Our family is complete. It may just be the hormones...but it's a tough pill to swallow (as I write this, I'm thinking back to an hour ago when ZoeJane dumped a frosty on her head. On.Her.Head. Maybe it's not THAT tough of a pill to swallow...). 

Of course, there is a downside. The downside is the same as it has been with the last two births. The downside is that there is not allowed to be a baby born into this family without drama present. It's particularly ironic this time. No one in my family has been particularly excited to hear that Phoenix is on his way. It's just Cara and Dayton having another one. And yet...now that the time is rolling around for his arrival, the drama is brewing, just as it has with ZoeJane and Michael and my sister's two kids. There is no way around it...it has to be dealt with head on. But knowing that doesn't make it any easier. It doesn't make it any less shitty to know that so much fighting has to be done just to get that one special, peaceful moment. Even the plans I've made seem to be falling apart. Regardless, one thing is for sure: there is no way in hell that I am handing over this last special moment of the sort to pure drama. It's not happening. Phoenix is coming into the world surrounded by people who are excited to meet him, people who aren't there just to make it all about them. 

Rant over.